Hello my staunch followers "DIARY OF DAVID" has been unavailable for a while due to issues that werent in my control. but the good news  is that your favorite blog story is back for your enjoyment........

DIARY OF DAVID (EPISODE SEVEN)

I decided to give up and face Mr Nnamdi ready to receive my share of his slap when Richard suddenly cuts in "sir David gave me his note yesterday, I had to complete mine" Richard stretched a note I honestly have never seen in my life towards Mr Nnamdi "so how come he didn't remember he gave you Mr Nnamdi asked with a sceptical look "he obviously has forgotten" Richard said giving Mr Nnamdi a weak smile. I was speechless and stared at the nollywood scene before me. "Hmmm........ Hmmm....... Hmmm" Mr Nnamdi moaned and nodded with satisfaction as he marked the note "that's a good one David. Keep it up" Mr Nnamdi said and flung the note on my desk. I stared at Richard with my mouth wide open even a blind man could see I was dumbfounded. I sat down slowly without taking my gaze off Richard "what just happened?" I asked with a stunned look "I just saved your Bottom" Richard said "now can I get my book back?" He added "thanks men" I said with a big grin. I returned his note and we burst into uniform laughter celebrating our victory over Mr Nnamdi. After school hours. I increased my pace to catch up with Folake who was walking faster than usual. "Ah Folake kilode na? Why are you so much in a hurry" Folake gave me the 'talk to the hands' sign facing me with her palms. I understood why she was angry "hey Folake I hope you are not still angry about what happened back in the class, you know it wasn't my fault. I sincerely wanted to be with you and you know it" I tried to plead with folake but she seemed to be paying a deaf ear "why don't you tell that to your girlfriend" she turned to me and angrily said. She hissed and walked even faster away from me and I had to let her go. I partially liked the spec of jealousy Folake showed concerning me. It made me feel I was important but I knew what jealousy made people do so I had to keep this one under check so it wouldn't get out of hand. I joyfully walked home that day humming and singing songs of victory and good life. At intervals I stopped walking to demonstrate one or two latest dancing skills I recently saw on TV. It was the perfect frame of mind I needed to be in for one of my numerous long weekends. The next day which was a Saturday I woke up very early and did all the chores in the house including the unnecessary ones like cleaning under the TV set. I was simply overjoyed, everyone was perplexed at my sudden change in mood. BANG! BANG!! BANG!!!. I sprang up from my thick mouka foam with utmost disgust at the disrespective bang on my door "come who is that person that wants to break my door na?" I yelled at the unanimous creature on the other side of the door. "Brother person dey find you o" adaobi said with her usual tiny voice "the person nor get name abi you dey mad ni?" I cut in trying to sit upright. Adaobi thought for a while and finally responded "em .....em she say her name na Janet". "What? Jane is here?" I said and sprang to my feet. For a while turned my head simultaneously around the room looking for nothing in particular. "Okay just tell her to wait in the sitting room" I finally broke into words. My multi-task brain for the first time was buffering, what most Nigerians would call 'GO SLOW' of thoughts. "Bathroom......yes bathroom" I finally decided. I picked up my towel and unbuttoned my trouser quickly, using my legs to match the trouser continuously till it finally came off. I rushed into the bathroom and took a very swift bath. Jumped out and wore my whitest shirt with my new knickers I bought for Richards birthday party. I got to the sitting room and saw Jane sitting on my favourite sofa. I took a breathless second to admire God's best creation. She wore a 9-inch luis vuiton designer heel which was in uniform with her hand bag and a tiny piece of cloth she used to beautify her Peruvian hair. She had a gold necklace with a pendant in the shape of 'J' which obviously stood for Jane, her skin was so radiant and smooth that I couldn't help but sigh in admiration. "Hello David" she said with her beautiful smile which made her white teeth conspicuous. I couldn't reply as I was lost in lust. I maintained my gaze on her not uttering a word. "What? Don't I look good enough?. Why that stare" she added. "No no you look dazzling, too dazzling" I said. "Wow.... Thanks" she said while adjusting uneasily. "Come on" she said as she tapped the little space on the sofa beside her "come and sit" I moved and sat looking very shy "why are you here?" I asked with a stern look. "For the biology project of cause. What else do you have in mind? Or except you are thinking what am thinking." She drew closer to me biting her lower lip and staring deep into my eyes. I leaned towards her and I could feel her breath, my eyes slowly went dim as we drew to each other and the distance between us shortened. SNAP SNAP SNAP........ An old fist snapped its fingers in my face which bolted me back to reality. I startled with shock on the ramshackle plastic chair on which I sat. It was one of my numerous pointless fantasies again. I held my eyes tightly and recovered I was still in my happy weekend. I looked around me and noticed everyone was on their feet with a hymn book in hand. "Young man what are thinking of? You shouldn't be day dreaming in church" said the man who snapped his fingers in my face. "Come on time to take the hymn" he added. I stared up at the old looking man with so much scorn who had no idea of what he just interrupted. I slowly rose to my feet and gave him a weak smile. After church service I slowly walked out of the gigantic hall with my heads downs, counting my thoughts one at a time, funny how things can seem to be going perfectly not knowing you are just a snap from the direct opposite. I got to the road side and boarded a bus, I sat beside a couple who obviously weren't coming from church, they held each other tightly and touched each other mannerlessly, doing stuff that was meant for the private. I glanced at them once in a while so I could keep track of their level of coitus. Some people murmured at the shameless act the couple depicted but it seemed they couldn't careless. We got to my bus stop and I happily hopped down from the bus. Richards house was just a stones throw from mine. I wasn't in the mood to go home because Sundays was the only day I had to visit my friends. I stood at the junction ruminating on the decision to make "if I reach house now, na work dem go use baptise me today" I thought aloud. Without further gnashing of teeth I computed a lie to save my soul and headed for Richards house. The inviting smell of Mrs akindele's jollof rice was the first to welcome me. I sniffed it in with so much appreciation and nodded my head in accordance. 'RING RING' I buzzed the door bell. "Am coming" a female voice yelled in distance. The door flung open and it was damilola that opened it. Richards twin sister. She obviously was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, she possessed deep brown eyes and she beautified it with artificial eye lashes, her dimples went along with her wide smile that could light up your dampened day. She wore a short spaghetti top which exposed majority of her cleavage and her stomach along with a blue Jean bumshot, her light smooth skin and her 'Kim kardashian' backside did not make things any easier as it only took strong men to pass her without turning back. "Hey David what a surprise" she said welcoming me with a bright smile "come in" she added. Is Richard home?" I asked. "Yes he just got back from church, he is in his room". "Ok thanks" I knew my way around the house and needed no orientation. I dashed upstairs to Richards room and knocked on the door with a specific rhythm "its open" Richard yelled. I entered the room and saw him engrossed in his new game console his uncle recently sent from abroad. The room had taken a new turn as I noticed he had upgraded it with more fancy gadget and changed the position of some furniture. "Guy how far" I greeted still staring at various objects. Richard barely tilted his head as the game obviously had all his attention. "Ah David what's up" he mindlessly said. I drew closer to him to have a clearer view of his activity "wow is this the almighty play station 4?" I asked with my eyes bulging out "yes man. The latest in town" Richard said with pride written all over his face. I squated and took a careful look at it. I was amazed at such dexterity the white men possessed to be able to put something like this together. Some minutes later I was the one in charge of the console and Richard took heed in his phone as he laid on the bed. "Hmmm David you be bad guy o". Richard said without taking his eyes off his mobile phone. "Yes I know men. I can beat anybody at this game" I hastily replied still soaked in my video game. "No not the video game. Am referring to Jane, I saw you guys on Friday" Richard said. I paused my video game and turned back to have a glimpse of his face "what do you mean?" I asked with a puzzled look "well its just that..............". Before Richard could finish his statement Damilola barged into the room "guys lunch is served "she said without caring if she interrupted anything. "Finally. Thank God, am starving" Richard said and dashed out of the room. The tantalising smell of good food that has been blowing 'shakara' in my nose for the past few minutes was finally served. Without thinking further I dashed out of the room and threaded Richards path............... TO BE CONTINUED.....

Diary of David (EPISODE SIX)

All the classes that day went on as usual but no thirty minutes got past me without turning back to get a glimpse at Jane's face. My mind kept on wondering what she was up to, maybe this was even worse than my nightmare. "Okay David you will talk to her during lunch. Unfailing" I said to myself trying to bestow confidence. My lips moved constantly trying to create my speech. I was ready to forfeit food that day, lunch time came and I put my head to desk to round up my rehearsal, suddenly a feminine figure sat beside me and laid her hands on my shoulder. "Folake you can have lunch without me today I don't think am hungry" I said trying to continue my speech. I didn't get any response so I repeated myself but this creature was dogged. I decided to raise my head and myself more lucid when I realised it was Jane all this while, my facial expression could show I was very confused and didn't know words to express myself"Jane........Jane......look am very sorry and I know you must be very angry with me. I never meant for all these to happen it was an accident and I wish I cou........" "Shuuuuush!!" She cut in abruptly "it doesn't matter anymore, I know it was an accident and I forgive you" she added with a weak smile on the edge of her mouth "but.......but......I.......its.......please" I tried to explain but the words got stuck in my throat "hey I said its okay. I understand" she said. I stared into her deep brown eyes with so much affection and my heart melted. I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and she laid her head on mine. Some naughty passers-by thumbed up to me and raised their eyebrows. Although I wasn't totally sure I was safe because this was too good to be true. But for now I just had to play along. "So tell me, why did you pick me for the project out of all the guys in this class" I questioned. Jane chuckled and said "oh David. Some things are better left unsaid" I moved uneasily on my seat at her response "don't bother your little head,with time you'll know" she added "okay fine but you know what you did to folake. You were very much aware that she was going to pick me but you interrupted and quickly picked me" I said "oh so you would have preferred her to me eh?" Jane frowned at me. "No no that's not what I'm trying to say but folake is my friend and I think what you did to her just isn't fair" I said trying to defend myself using my facial expression and my arms to demonstrate my words "hey spare me that crap okay? Why do you make me look like the bad guy here, do you think you are some sought of prize that everybody should fight over. You are supposed to be thanking me because I did you a favour" Jane said and sighed out a very long and irritating hiss. "Look am sorry I didn't mean it that way" "sorry for yourself. Leave me joor" she flung my arms from her shoulders, sprang up from the seat and marched away. I used my palms to wipe my face and took in a very deep breath "well it could have been worse" I thought to myself. My heart was full with mixed feelings, I couldn't decide whether to be happy that we were now friends or be sad she just walked out on me. As long as my present situation didn't involve me getting my ears loaded with slaps I was fine with it. The bell that ended the lunchtime finally arrived and everyone flooded into the classroom. Some licking their hands and their mouths and some others rubbing their pot bellies and exclaiming at the luscious taste of 'mama put', the nice aroma of fish stew that accompanied them into the class found its way into my nostril and activated the worms in my stomach to start a riot. I sniffed in the nice aroma and nodded in satisfaction. Mr Nnamdi walked briskly into the class and dropped his notes on the teachers desk. "Good afternoon class" Mr Nnamdi greeted "hmmm good afternoon sir" the class murmured indistinctly. The sonorous sound of people chewing stubborn meat and finger licking still echoed around the class. Mr Nnamdi placed his right hand on his waist and leaned on the table with the aid of his left he watched the moving mouths with disgust and you could spot his anger a mile away. "I hope you all did my assignment because today is the last day of grace, and don't give me the excuse that you left your note at home or else you will go and kneel in the sun" he yelled with obvious anger in his tone. "Thank God I did mine" I thought aloud. I zipped my bag open and buried my head searching for my note. I had glanced through all the notes but didn't find it, I started over again and was more meticulous this time but to no avail "I know I did this assignment, am very sure" I kept muttering to myself. I had become more disorganised when my forth trial seemed abortive. I poured all the contents of my bag on the desk and some sliding down to the floor, I ransacked each note one after the other. But the particular one seemed to have disappeared. I interlocked my fingers and placed my hands on my head looking round the whole class like I would miraculously see it flying around 'GBAMM' "now I remember it was the unfortunate note I flung to the floor hen power supply was interrupted" big trouble for me today. I swiftly amalgamated my spilled contents and shoved them back into my bag. Someone tapped me from behind on the shoulders impatiently "yeeesss.....what is it?" I said with a frown "bros how far....wetin sup" I turned back to spot who the whisper came from, it was Richard, one of the smartest students in my class "guy I forget my note for house" I whispered in return. Richard whistled loudly and said "hmmm that's a big one oh, yawa don gas for your head be that. See what the guy is doing to people who are found wanting" we turned our gaze to Mr Nnamdi and watched how he dealt with an ill-fated victim. "Erm....em am sorry sir, my dog tore my note at home" the prey tried to explain 'PWAAH-PWAAH-PWAAH' three hot outstanding slaps in a row landed on the back of his neck "you are a big FOOL" Mr Nnamdi yelled with his eyes bulging out "now get out of my class and go kneel in the sun" he added. The student staggered out with heavy eyes full of tears. I returned my attention back to Richard "dude please do something I can't be disgraced like that" I pleaded "ah ah why do you come to me, abi did I send you to leave your note at home?" Richard scornfully said. Ripples of sweat began to form in odd places and I instantly developed goose bums. I began to shake physically and I couldn't focus to plot a plan. Mr Nnamdi drew closer and aggravated the weight of the slap at each passing victim. I wondered from left to right to sought for a fellow prey in my shoes but there was non to be found, everybody was busy writing something while others employed the 'copy and paste' policy. Mr Nnamdi was just a row away from me and I couldn't think of a better plan. Immediately I sprang up from my seat and walked swiftly towards the door "hey you stop there? Where do you think you are going" Mr Nnamdi asked in a harsh tone. I slowly whirled back itching behind my head where no itching occurred vigorously "Erm.... Erm sir I want to use the toilet I'll be back in a minute "I said with a timid voice "what? Are you mad? Get back here my friend!!! Silly boy" I fearfully walked back to my seat counting my steps one at a time. I reached for my bag and zipped it open. I buried my head in my bag again and wished for a miracle. After a while Mr Nnamdi began tapping his feet on the ground and I could sense that my delay to present my note was getting his knickers in a twist....... TO BE CONTINUED.........

Diary of David (EPISODE FIVE)

That night my sleep wasn't entirely peaceful, moving and adjusting at every slightest thought, images of jane dominated my dream. The night of seven hours seemed like seventeen hours. Although the next morning I ended up waking up with the lark but the night still seemed long. I sat upright and placed my palm on my forehead to ease the pain of the splitting headache. The twilight sky dimly lit up the room causing me to spot objects only in my immediate surrounding. It took a while for my brain to boot and isolate yesterday from my numerous dreams, I sat entirely still staring at a particular object and lost in thought. Scary scenarios flashed through my mind and I wondered what ill-fate could be in stock for me today. My thought was interrupted by the loud crow of my neighbours cock, I was back to reality and noticed the day had gotten much brighter without wasting any more time I went down on my knees for my daily devotion. My prayer that morning was unusually long and I mentioned jane more times than I said Jesus or amen. I rushed into the bathroom brushed my teeth and took a proper bath washing all parts of my body including in-between my toes and behind my ear because I wanted to look very fresh. I carefully combed my well gelled hair, wore my painstakingly ironed white and knotted my tie like that of obama's. I hurriedly picked up my bag and zipped it, I hung it on my shoulders and dashed out of the house. Eating that morning would waste my time so I didn't even venture into it. I got to the roadside and flagged down a bus, jumped into it and took a seat almost immediately. I scanned the passengers and noticed they were students of my school in it, taking a bus to school in the morning felt odd but really good......."RINGROAD! RINGROAD!! RINGROAD!!!" The bus conductor cried out for passengers, he was obviously an 'agbero' he had dirty looking dreads on his head, his black skin looked slimy and I concluded he probably hasn't had his bath in the last few days. He wore a black shirt with 'my money grows like grass' inscribed on it, my eyes later spotted his legs and I noticed he wore different legs of bathroom slippers popularly called 'rice and beans' "your money grows like grass and yet you wear rice and beans" I chuckled. The conductor noticed my gaze was locked on him and decided to interrupt my thought "bros your moni?" He said stretching his hand towards me. I gave him a false grin and stretched his money towards him, he forcefully grabbed it and added it to the pile of money he held in his left hand and resumed his duty "RINGROAD! RINGROAD!! RINGROAD!!!" He yelled sticking his head out of the window. "Am with you my yori yori" the bass speakers located at the front and back of the bus blasted in my ears. I couldn't help but nod my head to the rhythm of the hit song. We reached my bus stop and I signalled the bus driver to stop "HEY. OKADA! OKADA!!" I yelled before I completely alighted the bus. I quickly ran across the street and hopped on the okada without even negotiating the price. I pointed in the direction of my school and the okada zoomed off, in no time we got to the gate of my school and I jumped down before the okada fully came to a halt, I threw 100 naira in his face and ran off before he could even catch the money. "Oga you nor go collect your 70 naira change?" The okada driver asked with a rising intonation, I waved him off without even turning back. I was sure I was early because the gate looked scanty, I couldn't consult my watch this time "ONCE BEATEN, TWICE SHY" the saying goes. I really wanted to look 'last kobo' in his face today and show him I could be early if I wanted to, I peeped at his corner and saw him snoring his life away on a wooden bench, I shook my head in pity and forged ahead to my class. The beat of my heart increased rapidly and I could hear its pounding as I drew closer to my class. I defeated the stairs 2 steps at a time and walked past my corridor, different groups held their various meetings at designated corners talking about football and the girls talking about the latest fashion in vogue. I got to my seat quietly and sat down, my eyes wondered round the class like a vigilante. I was a little bit relaxed when I realised jane wasn't in the class. I bowed my head on my desk and closed my eyes. I was quiet aware of what went on around me "good morning ma" some students chorused as mrs temitope walked into the class, some students followed her into the class helping her with her bags. In no time the class was full and every body had taken their seats. My head was still bowed down to avoid eye contact with jane. "How are you all today?" Mrs temitope inquired "fine ma" the class chorused "who is this person sleeping in my class" mrs temitope asked. I figured she might be talking to me so I raised my head for confirmation "me?" I asked pointing to chest. "No oh! Not you my grand father in village" she teased "did you eat beans this morning? Or did you fly in the night?" She added. Some voices behind me chuckled. "No ma" I said with a weak smile amazed at her sense of humour. The biology lecture went on for foty minutes and I didn't tilt throughout to avoid story that touch. At the end of the lecture my eyes glued to the enormous ever shaking backside of mrs temitope as she slowly walked out of the classroom. "Ma you forgot the project" an over serious student yelled from the back of the classroom "yes yes thank you my dear God bless you" mrs temitope said and turned back interrupting my live streaming. She called out half of the class and said its a project for two, she ordered the selected students to pick their partners. I smiled at folake pointing to my self and her repeatedly indicating we were going to be partners. After a while it was time for folake to pick her partner and I winked at her. "No please let me pick first" jane interrupted folake "alright no problem" folake replied "so who is this person you are so in a hurry to pick" mrs temitope asked "DAVID" jane said very confidently with an evil grin locked on me. Everybody was taken aback including me and folake even mrs temitope had a doubtful look on her face "ok folake now your turn" mrs temitope said "I pick obi" folake replied with a low voice. Folake was obviously sad but I didn't even pay much attention to her, I was after saving my head. "You may all return to your seat" mrs temitope said as she walked out of the class. This time my eyes didn't follow mrs temitope they were magneted to jane while she walked back to her seat. I had a very big puzzled look on my face and I couldn't help but wonder why she would pick me. But I knew this could either be very good for me or very bad, I mean really really BAD!!!........ TO BE CONTINUED..........

Diary of David (EPISODE FOUR)

ONE YEAR AGO It was a spiteful Thursdays afternoon, I and my siblings were on our way home as usual after a very hectic day at school. I didn't eat that morning and I was greatly farmished and dehydrated. The scathing sun of Nigeria didn't make things any easier. I had used my lunch money to pay for mr haruna's project.'The project of BLOCKING' all you had to do to pass mr haruna's physics was to pay a certain amount of money and you'll have an 'A', except if he didn't like your face, in that case you'll be counted among unlucky ones which he always gave a 'C' and sometimes a 'D' even after he had collected your money, as for me I was counted among the lucky ones because I had a really cute face. We finally broke loose from the wrath of the heartless sun as we got home. The front door was locked signalling there was no one home. "Ah ah why is mama not home" I said looking very perplexed "oooh yes she told me she wouldn't be around today, she has gone to the market to get some foodstuff....she told me to tell you in the morning but I forgot" adaobi said "eh? Are you mad, how can you forget such a thing, because of you I forgot my keys this morning how do you suppose we get into the house." I yelled pointing my index finger to the side of my head. It was like the hunger was transferring to my leg. My legs began to shake and I couldn't stand anymore, I laid down in the veranda of the house like a hobo that had no chance of survival. I barely noticed gozie's restless disposition as he strolled to and fro the veranda checking on top of the windows and in flower vases like he was looking for a needle in a haystack. "Oh, here it is" Gozie said with a bright smile on his face. I raised my head from my supine position to find out what aroused such excitement. I saw Gozie stretching the keys towards me maintaining his smile. I flew up from the ground and jumped towards gozie" where did you find it?" Where did you find it I asked with my eyes bulging out with curiosity "mama left it under the mat" "aaah thank God" I hurriedly said grabbing the key from his hand without hesitation. I barged into the house not caring if adaobi and Gozie threaded my path, flung my bag on the sofa and dashed towards the kitchen. I ransacked every cooler, pots and cupboards searching for food. The noise I made with every steel and aluminium that posed a hindrance was like a sword fight in Chinese movies. After much ransacking I didn't even find a grain of rice for the angry worms in my stomach, ripples of sweat formed on my forehead, I released a long held back sigh of disappointment. I reluctantly walked to the parlour dragging my feet on the ground which made a veay annoying sound. I lazily fell on the sofa and crossed my mind that I wasn't going to survive through that day, in no time I snoozed off with my mouth wide open, before my plane fully touched down in dreamland a very pugnacious aroma found its way into my nose and gave my plane a 180 degree turn. I slowly opened my eye with a deadly frown on my face trying to figure out what was releasing this deadly aroma....."GOD!!!! GAS! GAS!!" I shouted as my back up engine fired up, I jumped up from the sofa with my red eyes wide open, I dashed towards the kitchen lo and behold I saw adaobi with a match stick in her hand attempting to fire it up with a strike. I dived like peter cech trying to catch a penalty kick and grabbed the matches from her hand. "Are you crazy? Are you trying to burn down the house?" I flooded her with questions not giving her the chance to answer one before firing the next. "I-I-I-I was hungry" she stammered "you are hungry is that why you want to burn down the house?" I furiously said. Then there came an awkward moment of silence were we just stared at each other doing nothing. "Shift joor" I said breaking the silence. I walked towards the gas and tried to put it off, I was very confused with the gas regulator because all the labels had pulled off, in my course of struggling with the regulator my mom barged into the kitchen with her heart almost out of her mouth. "David what is the meaning of this? Are you trying to burn the house?" I tried to explain but I honestly didn't know where to start from"no-mama-see-adaobi-i-gas" I stammered "shut up jare, big for nothing fool, as old as you are you cannot regulate common gas" my mom furiously said. With the position I took everyone would think I was trying to put on the gas, 'matches in my hand and struggling with the regulator' if I wasn't me I would also think I was trying to on the gas. "And you adaobi you couldn't stop your brother abi?" She added "I tried to stop him ooh! But he wouldn't listen" adaobi said. My mind and my body wanted to kill adaobi seriously but my body was too weak to execute the mission, for all I knew she could be the devil's right hand man. I walked out of the kitchen without uttering a word. Mumsi nor give me food throughout that day, I do by force fasting. But this was in the past and now I was in another pot of soup. PRESENT "David can't you hear me calling you" she said with her heavy red sleepy eyes. At this point I had crossed the Rubicon and I couldn't pretend anymore so I decided to be brave and face my ill-fate. "Yes ma I can hear you" I said in an unusual relaxed voice "why are you this late, do you know that all other children had left more than an hour ago "she stood up and stretched her whole body exposing a little part of her stomach just above the waist level and yawned with her mouth wide open like a lazy dog falling asleep. "So where have you been ehn?" She added "em....em....there was an emergency at my school and I needed to attend to it" I lied. I wasn't a professional liar 'yet'. So you could easily spot a chink in my armour "shut up you liar, do you think I don't know you were playing ball in school again, so you played and forgot yourself abi? Emergency my foot" she said. My silence indicated guilt even if I wasn't guilty. "Come over here and sit" she said while pulling out the guest seat of the teachers desk, she sat me down and started to advice me from disobedience to lying to not following bad company to not joining any cult activity and so on. I nodded at intervals to give the impression I was paying attention meanwhile my brain took the 'garbage in - garbage out' format, her words tripped in through the right ear and fell out through the left. I couldn't help but thank my stars when I realised she was finally done, another episode of nightmare that day was over, my face was remorseful but my mind threw a big feast of jubilation. I stood up, grabbed my siblings by the hand and dashed out of the class without even thanking her for her good for nothing advice. We got to the road and boarded a bus which stopped us at the closest bus stop to our house. we walked unusually fast and got home faster than usual. I barged into the house flung my bag on the sofa and dashed towards my most favourite part of the house (the kitchen). This was the routine that characterised my entering whenever I was very hungry. The day finally began to go my way, coincidentally mumsi just finished cooking my best food 'beans and plantain'. I carried my plate licking my lips and salivating, I could barely balance the plate on my hand because the food was still smoking hot. I got to the dinning and swallowed the food voraciously and flushed it down with very cold water, it was just what I deserved after the long day. I felt very heavy when I was done with my meal, I headed to my room and sluggishly undressed, took a shower and dived on my bed, before long I snoozed off. "I hope you all can list the first 20 elements of the periodic table" mr Nnamdi announced "YESSS" the whole class chorused "ok now who can list the first 30" he added. There was dead silence which meant nobody knew it. I turned back to scan if any hands were up for reassurance but all hands were earth bound. I was the only one that knew the answer- Time of my glory. I raised my hand and wiggled it vigorously. Suddenly 'pWaaa' I felt a very painful and deafening slap land on my ear. I thought Tolu was at it again but I was bolted from the blue to see jane frowning at me. "Why did you do that" I yelled with anger "you are the fool that fell on me abi?" She said and tried to land another slap on my face. I dodged with a reflex flying from my bed and landed on the floor with my waist "AaaAAhh" I groaned loudly. The bulb was so bright that I had to squint to see anything, I demonstrated the sign of the cross and muttered a few words of prayer so that my nightmare wouldn't come to pass. I headed for the bathroom and washed my face, I walked back to my room and fell on the bed and released a long sigh. I reached for my watch and checked the time "11:47PM" it read. All sleep had flee my eye so I decided to put time to good use. I searched the floor beside my bed and reached for my bag, slipped out a random note and opened it, I flipped through the pages searching for the most suitable page to start with. Suddenly power supply was interrupted. I threw the book to the ground with utmost disgust and lay on my back facing the ceiling. I stared into the immense darkness searching for the unknown. My mind automatically began to ruminate on the almost ending day that has been very eventful for me. "How can all these trouble just be for only one person? Why me?"I asked myself rhetorical questions. I didn't understand how my life could change in just a couple of hours, the most complicating part was when I saw folake's face on Jane's body. What did that mean?. The questions bumped into each other in my mind like ants moving in the opposite direction excited about the news of food. Without finding any answers my mind hibernated and finally snoozed OFF........... TO BE CONTINUED ;D

Diary of David (EPISODE THREE)

I wished I had died that morning because I didn't have the courage to face jane if she ever woke up. It turned out that I just passed out it really felt like I was falling asleep, just a moment when your mind went blank, a peaceful place that was very quiet. The good thing about this moment of fantasy is that I had total control of everything that happened in this little world of mine, it all seemed very real to me. We were in the cafeteria having our lunch, the place was so crowded it looked like they were sharing free food in here, no one could maintain decorum anymore the students in my school didn't even know a word like civilisation existed, everybody crowded the poor woman who sold food in the cafeteria "madam abeg put 100 naira rice and 20 naira meat for nylon for me abeg." "See na me first come here ohh! Wetin dey worry this one sef" another one would say. "I go slap person for here oh! Who be this wey dey pour spit for inside food wey I wan chop". This daily rumble for mama put rice was almost the only entertainment I had during lunch. Only smart kids like me and folake didn't have to struggle for food like labourers, we had a simple plan which was very effective and helpful.- 5 minutes before the bell for lunch time was rung, I would give folake a sly sign of a wink, our minds would immediately cook up a lie like how casio scientific calculator would quickly process 2 + 2. After the lie had freed us from the claws of some boring teacher we would immediately run to cafeteria and quickly order our lunch, so that way we were always the first. Some minutes after the bell, the entrance of the cafeteria would be like the track of a cross country marathon race, people would cluster their selves like sardine and pass through one tiny door, I was taken aback one day when I saw 10 people pass the door at once, that event surely ought to enter the Guinness world book of record, I left my mouth open until folake had to literally shut it for me. Some rascals even resulted to taking advantage of the broken window to gain entrance. They flew in like professional armed robbers invading a bank for a raid. While I was engrossed in my food and the live cinematic comedy of people struggling for food a rather disturbing figure purposely stood in my line of vision trying to cause a break in transmission. surely my signal strength of 100% at that time would not be easy to disrupt. "Who is this person trying to disturb my movie na! Abeg leave my road joor" I said in a very low voice, tilting my head from right to left simultaneously trying to regain visual contact, my neck was becoming tired after a while of continuous movement. After noticing the adamant nature of this road block I decided to shift my attention to him. Tolu had been standing there all these while staring at me with his usual deadly frown featured by his clenched right fist which continuously punched his left palm as he drew closer to me.....uh-oh what have I done this time it was like he chased me from reality to my dream. I looked to the direction of folake but all I saw was her empty plate staring back at me, she flee for her life and didn't even forget her spoon. This was a fight to the finish, its now or never, I had to finally teach this old bully some lessons, I stood up and took the posture of an amateur boxer nervous about his first match of his carrier, I didn't know whether to throw my leg or my hand at him, he was so relaxed like he was totally sure he would kick my Bottom. I started throwing random punches and kicks as I drew closer to him. He effortlessly caught me by the throat used one hand to lift me and slammed me on the termite infested table which divided into two. I stood up and shook my head vigorously trying to regain consciousness as at now my adrenaline began to rise. Every body in the cafeteria stopped their numerous activities, there was dead silence and every body focused their eyes on us even the ever busy 'mama put' woman. I had graduated from watching live show to being live show. The beast used one leg to sweep me off my feet and pounced on me, I struggled to break loose but was denied by his weight. I scanned my audience to find a friend to cry to for help but my eyes caught jane instead, she stared at me with so much disappointment shaking her head negatively. That scenario spurred my rage and rose my adrenaline to 99.9%, I was like a helpless man transforming into a beastish incredible hulk. That is what a woman can do to you. I shook him off and sat on him, I cocked my arms like they were AK47 guns and started downloading punches into Tolu's facial memory card. I was ready to full the memory card with as much punches even if the space was 1 Terra byte. My network could be likened to that of 5.5G because the speed at which my hands delivered the punches were unbelievable. When I was done with him his face had added weight 2 times how it was before. I stood up from his body like a victorious gladiator in the arena of the gods. "David! David!! David!!!" My ever staunch audience began hailing me. This truly was a 'David defeating Goliath' kind of story except that I didn't have a catapult and stone and this was the 21st century. Jane did her sexy cat walk right up to me with a big grin. I held her tightly and kissed her passionately as she wrapped her arms around my neck, I took jane by the waist and forged out of the cafeteria, we had burst out in a church and it was our wedding day, standing at the altar I watched an unknown man lead jane down the aisle. After exchanging vows the priest said "you may kiss the bride". BUZZER- happiest moment of my life, I slowly raised the veil to uncover the beautiful face of my bride......."AAAAAAAhhhh!!!! Chineke ooohh!!!" I fell on the ground shouting and screaming for my life, if was folake's face on Jane's body that was under the veil. It wasn't only my fantasised self that was screaming for help. My physical body also suffered the effect of this trauma as I flew up from the bed as if I had a terrible nightmare. Folake's face on jane's bodyHow can that be??. I surveyed the room looking from the wall to the ceiling of the room tilting my head at various degrees wondering like the early men where I was, before I finished my survey I saw folake sitting on the bed I jumped from trying to calm me down "em..em David please lie down you need to rest" I noticed I was in the health centre, so that beat me faint. I looked in the direction of Jane's bed but she was gone, the middle of the bed was still pressed so I figured it couldn't be long that she left "don't tell me jane is gone" I rhetorically asked folake "David please forget that girl and rest before you faint again" folake said impatiently "when did she go?" "David please don't ask me" "just tell me joor" "ok ok. About 10 to 15 minutes ago" folake replied. I almost asked what she did when she woke up but I feared I might receive a hot slap as a response so I kept my cool and peeped at my rusted wrist watch..."Jeeeeeessssusss!!!! 4:16PM" it read - "how long was I out?" I asked not expecting an answer. My speed increased as I searched the whole room for my bag as if I was looking for a 12 billion naira diamond flinging away every suspicious blanket that might be hiding it. DANG...I finally found it under one of the beds. I hastily picked it up hanging it on only one of my shoulders, I barely bided folake goodbye as I dashed out of the health centre "mama go kill me today oohh!!" I murmured running my solo marathon. I defeated the few metres hindering my school from the one of my siblings- 'Gozie and adaobi' like a professional athlete. I was supposed to pick them up by 3:00PM, although am always late but this time I have gone way beyond my limit. "Chimmoo... Jane has finished me ooohh!!" I kept muttering to myself over and over again like a JSS1 student trying to learn his new school anthem. I finally finished my little marathon on getting to 'outstanding nursery and primary school' were my siblings attended , the place was empty and quiet like a graveyard I quickly ran to the playground which was our normal rendezvous point, I normally meet them everyday playing with their mates but it was empty. All that welcomed me were abandoned food flask's and torn notebooks lying lazily on the sharp sand that served as floor on the playing ground. My mind being the fastest part of my body figured they might be in their classrooms. I dashed to adaobi's class but the classroom and the playground suffered the same fate. Nothing daunted I forged ahead to gozie's class. "I trust aunty ijeoma she won't leave the school until every pupil is gone" I thought out loud. I was walking down the corridor when I heard voices laughing and murmuring it seemed to be coming from a few classes ahead. The voices refuelled my moving engine and I increased my pace to satisfy my anxiety. I peeped through the window of the class and saw adaobi and gozie playing 'tinko-tinko'. I scanned through the class and figured aunty ijeoma had snoozed off on the form teachers desk. "I knew she wouldn't fail me" I sneaked into the class like a crook placing my index finger across my lips trying to signal gozie and adaobi not to make any noise. I went round the class like a land surveyor picking their belongings which they carelessly displaced. That gave me a chance to get a clearer view on aunty ijeoma. She was a very beautiful woman and she looked cute in her sleep. I was distracted by her beauty that I mindlessly stopped what I went there for and stood still like the statue of liberty admiring fresh meat meant for mature men. I couldn't help but notice her weird sleeping position as a result of the uncomfortable chair that barely had foam that she sat on. She slept so indifferently like a lion who just ate a balanced diet. Her I.D card which was attached to a very long rope hung around her neck dangled to and fro at intervals due to her incessant adjustment to attain a comfortable sleeping position. I couldn't have a clear vision on the details of the I.D card so I stealthily moved forward to have a clearer view. "Miss ijeoma chukwunonso" it read.... "MISS?..MISS??" I said looking very surprised "how can a very beautiful and well endowed woman like this still be a 'miss'" I argued with my self, I peeped at her finger for confirmation but there was no ring, not even the one of engagement. She was so beautiful even in her passport that was supposed to be everyone's most ugly picture. I shrugged off the thought and resumed duty, I looked around the classroom from tables to chairs to lockers to shelves to the floor and noticed I had gathered all the belongings of my siblings, now time to escape. I gave gozie and adaobi their respective belongings held them by their arms and moved stealthily towards the door stopping at intervals when I heard the movement of aunty ijeoma. I couldn't afford to be seen by aunty ijeoma, if not I would be in for another one of her boring and endless advice talks. I began moving wih my siblings again when aunty ijeoma seemed to be relaxed...... "KPLAakArAAAArraaaH!!!" Adaobi dropped her aluminium food flask. The noise was so loud and sonorous that it would wake even a dead dog. "Hey...hey" aunty ijeoma shouted. I bent down to quickly pick the flask pretending I didn't hear. "Oh shiiit, I don enter wahala today" I said to my self. Adaobi always got me into trouble even unintentionally, this time I wasn't sure which one it was , but I knew I was really in for it........... TO BE CONTINUED.........

Diary of David (EPISODE TWO)

Jane and her friends drew closer to the farm I was shaking like leaf that wanted to fall from mango tree. Should I just let her see me like this anything the babe wan think make she think joor. Another thought said; "guy you cannot just fall your hand like this" trust me na warri boys no dey carry last. I quickly dashed to one of the shaky structures in the farm and climbed the roof. This was were the tools were kept. The next thing I knew jane headed for that exact farm house I was on. "Am sure that useless agric teacher has sent her on an errand again. I didn't understand why he was so fond of her. She was beautiful so who wouldn't be fond of her anyway?. I started hearing creaks and cracking sounds from the rusted zinc I was on. Before I could say jack Robinson "CRAAAAKAPOOOsHHHHH!!!" The worse thing that could happen to me that very moment actually happened. I crashed straight down through the roof and landed on one of the girls I knew I fell on somebody but I was in too much pain to even find out who it was because I couldn't careless at that time"AAAAHHH my leg oohh!!!" I shrieked in pain. It was Like my leg was broken in half I expected people to gather around and take me to the health centre at least in that way I wouldn't have to work for the rest of that day" EEEWWWOOO jane is dead o, David has killed jane oo" one of the girls shouted.as soon as I heard jane my ears stood like that of a dog that hears the masters call"eh? Could it really be jane I fell on?"
I turned slowly to look at the person on the floor, there she was; jane lying lifeless on the floor, at that instant all the pain in my body flew away. I quickly stood up and carried jane in my arms, up till today I can't explain how I suddenly stopped feeling pain that day, love indeed is very powerful. I carried her in my arms like how a groom would carry his bride on their wedding day as I ran out of the farm towards the health centre "he has killed her ooh" "he will go to jail " these were some of the voices I heard behind me as I ran as fast as I could. I thought I'll be the one to be carried to the health centre but this was the direct opposite. It didn't matter anymore so long as she was in my arms even almost lifeless still made me feel really good; how I wish this was actually our wedding day "come on put her down on this bed over here" the nurse said looking very surprised. "Nurse is she going to be okay, please tell me she would be fine. Different words poured out of my mouth at the same time. "Everybody please step outside let me attend to the patient. All the people around had followed me into the health centre but they all left at the command of the nurse. I was now the only person left of them inside the room I wasn't ready to lett jane out of my sight "young man you too, please leave" the nurse addressed me but with a higher tone this time. I reluctantly left the room because being there isn't gonna do jane any good. I was now outside pacing from right to left panicking like a man whose wife was in delivery; it was just like in the movies" oh God if jane dies everybody will blame me. What will I tell her parents, I might even go to jail oh God please help me...no no don't help me I don't need help, its jane who needs help, she must not die"I kept on panicking my heartbeat increased rapidly by the second, suddenly i felt someone with really smooth and soft tender skin wrap her hands around me and held me tightly to her self. It took me some seconds to realise it was folake without having a glimpse of her face, I laid my head on her shoulders, her body was so soft that I could compare it to a fresh loaf of bread that just came out of the oven "its alright everything would be okay jane wouldn't die" folake whispered in my ears. The words of encouragement from folake didn't do me much good, instead it ignited the tension in me, my eyes were getting red and I was ready to cry my life out if anything happened to jane.
While I was still trying to acclimatise to my new comfort zone, I heard a very loud and scary voice behind me that really got me annoyed. "DAAAVIID" tolu screamed my name with all his might, he was the so called bully of my set, he had a very big and masculine frame that any one would be scared of. He had a very bad criminal record in our school having beaten up several students and even teachers to stupor. The principal could not expel him because his parents were rich and anytime he misbehaved the principal would use that as an avenue to collect bribe from his parents and the case would disappear into thin air, I didn't blame him though with his kind of salary I would have done worse if I were in his shoes.
Tolu was practically fearless, I heard rumours that he also liked jane but she turned him down anytime he popped the question, but it wasn't a rumour to me anymore, he must really like her and that must be the reason why he is so angry. Yes this was the person who screamed my name like I was the cause of all his life's misfortune, he was standing right behind me growling like a raging bull ready to devour its prey. I turned around maintaining my eye level that this wasn't face-to-face, this was face-to-chest. I stared at his chest with so much conpemt, I had to tilt my head 45 degrees up in order to look at his horrifying face "what do you want" I queried "so you're the one that killed jane eh?, you're the bastard that killed my babe eh?" He said almost punching me. "Are you mad? Who dash you babe" I almost said. "I didn't kill anybody it was just an accident so please leave me alone" I tried to shake him off. "If I ever see you near jane again I am going to kill you with my own bare hands" he tried to scare me but that only got me angrier "you can't do anything you good for nothing he-goat" at this moment I was ready for any thing "what did you just call me?" Even a blind man could see that this monster was hungry. He shoved me really hard that I flew back and hit folake, I staggered but did not fall, I had to prove that I can't just be trampled on like that, without thinking I involuntarily shoved him back but I was the one who did most of the moving back, he was as firm as the great wall of china. Oh God what did I just do.
I thought all after all that has happened. Within the last 3 hours today couldn't get any worse.well I was wrong that day got even worse than I imagined, before I knew what was happening he landed four hot punches on my face really fast. It was like the combo of yoshimitsu in tekken 5. I was amazed at such speed and agility he had in him. All I could now see were stars upon stars revolving round my head like the solar system. He wasn't done with me, he picked me up like a log of wood and slammed me on the hard pavement of the building, my mind went blank, dead silence in my head, blurred vision and blood gushing out of my mouth. Tolu walked away victorious he would definitely get away with this like how he always does with his numerous scandals "tolu you have won this one, this is just a battle not the war, I'll get you tolu, I'll ge-e-e-e-t you-u-u-u" I said with a very shaky voice. I was weak and couldn't move a muscle. My eyes gradually went dim like a patient that was given sleeping pills. It was like I was falling into a deep sleep....or is this what death felt like??.....
TO BE CONTINUED....

Diary of David (EPISODE ONE)

It was a sunny monday morning and I was sweating profusely as I walked through the muddy footpath connecting my house and school, I never walked through the main roads because I couldn't afford to be seen by my classmates especially the girls, only my very close friends knew I walked to school they even nicknamed me 'STARTREK' but I didn't care, as far as no girl knew, I was fine with it. The distance was approximately 5 kilometres, even the people who jug as exercise didn't have to go this far, the bushes beside the footpath were so tall they could even cover my head I had to struggle my way through most of the times "Chai.....am sure this is the road my great grand father used when he was still alive" I said to myself. Walking to school was easily avoidable by me because my mom gave me 300 naira for transport everyday but I was not ready to dash some random okada man 300 naira everyday; am not father christmas or Jesus christ. God gave me legs and am ready to use them anytime, anyday and everyday. I finally got to the gate of my school and gave a long sigh of relief "pheew". I took a cursory look at my watch and it was 7:30 AM "wow am early today O! Thank God". I bounced into the school like it was my father that bought the gate I had a very big grin on my face and one would think I just got 10 over 10 in a pop quiz until one of the fearful looking security men disrupted my moment of ecstacy with a rather harsh tone "hey you stop there". His name was 'LAST KOBO'. The name was traced to his poor reputation in gambling, were he would gamble with other security men until his very last kobo is gone. "Ah ah oga last kobo wetin I do this time again na..... See see see am early today its just 7:30AM" I jokingly said pointing my rusted wrist watch to his face "comot dat dirty thing for my face joor, abi you dey mad?" He yelled "in case you don't know the time is 8:36AM" he added. I was perplexed and stared down at my watch again but this time I took a more concentrated look at it, the second hand was not moving, I tapped it hard with my index and forefinger, then the silly watch started working again, it had actually stopped working 66 minutes ago "it must be the battery" I said. Last kobo kept his deadly gaze locked on me "which kind mumu battery be that. That watch wey your granpapa dash you before he die. See as you be sef, you resemble person wey go farm" I scanned through myself and noticed lastkobo was not far from the truth. My unkempt hair was full with grass, the white shirt I wore was looking brownish and soaked with sweat dripping down my face like a leaking water tanker my trouser had traces of splashed mud and my shoes were literally soaked in mud. I remorsefully returned my gaze to last kobo "oga abeg you know say my house far" "hmmm David na so you dey talk everyday, well sha that one no concern me oya take this cutlass go join your fellow late comers for school farm" I reluctantly took the cutlass from his hand and head towards the farm, I couldn't expect less from an illiterate gate man.... Well at least he is one of the few people that called me by my actual name unlike those foolish friends of mine; should secondary school students even be forced to do farm work in school for just coming late? Is that even legal. It was just my second week in SS2 and this is not how I planned on starting it. In fact all these were the least of my worries at this very moment as I was on my way to the farm, I was more bothered about jane seeing me like an isrealite slave forced to work for brutal egyptians. Jane was the girl I was in love with since we were in JS2, now that we were placed in the same class this would be the best time to strike. In no time I got to the farm, I gazed at the mini jungle with great sadness, it was just like the one I passed through to get to school everyday only that this was smaller. I rushed in and found a fellow regular late comer 'Obi', why wasn't I surprised to see him, he was one of my close friends. I quickly dashed to him "hey Obi afa na" I greeted "heeeey star-trek how bodi na?" He teasily said "shut up you fool, if any girl hear that thing I swearr you don die be that, abi your sense dey your yansh" I said angrily "bros calm down eee, no girl go hear; you too dey fear sef" Obi had a funny ibo accent that made me laugh whenever he spoke. "DAAAAVID! DAAAAVID!!" I heard someone shout my name, but who could that be I tried to satisfy my hungry curiosity and turned around, it was Folake Babatunde, standing at the other end of the farm waving ceaselessly at me trying to grab my attention. I couldn't believe my eyes; what is she doing here, girls are seldomly sent to the farm. Folake was my only friend that was a girl, in fact she was my best friend we go way back since kindergarten. We were so close that people sometimes addressed her as my wife. "Oya go your wife done begin find you" Obi murmured "she is not my wife, ozwor" I said as I quickly ran to meet her with smiles on my face "ah ah folake what are you doing here" I asked "I was late and that useless gateman was given instructions that all late comers should be redirected to the farm; its our useless car O! The old thing just broke down on our way to school" she shamefully said "oh sorry ehn!" I said trying to amielorate d her problem. Well I was not all that sorry because I liked talking with Folake she was a very good companion and I was never bored around her so why on earth would I be sorry about having someone like that around me for the rest of the day. In every bodies books me and Folake should be dating, she was good looking, had long and straight like that of an oyibo, pointed nose, fair in complexion and of average height. Yes I think she is good looking and pretty generous too but my mind never crossed dating her, I virtually told folake everything about me and she did the same. Including that I liked Jane, so from time to time Folake would give me tips on how to talk to Jane but I never had the courage to do it. I found her really helpful. I was still engrossed in a tiete-n-tiete with Folake, I heard female voices approaching the farm. For curiosity sake I ran and peeped over the fence to find out who possessed such charming voices. Lo and behold to my surprise it was jane and her gang, they were like Beyonce and her backup dancers walking so determined to start an act. My jaw dropped and my eyes flung open like someone who just won a lottery. At that moment I swear 5 frogs would have fit into my mouth and there will still be room for more, my heart was pounding really fast and hard. I couldn't help but ruminate on the possible reasons why she would be headed for the farm at this time-could she have come late or has that silly agric teacher sent her on an errand again, without coming to any reasonable conclusions I quickly shrugged off the thought and my 'jimmy neutron' brain arose from its slumber........ TO BE CONTINUED...... STAY TUNED