Diary of David (EPISODE THREE)

I wished I had died that morning because I didn't have the courage to face jane if she ever woke up. It turned out that I just passed out it really felt like I was falling asleep, just a moment when your mind went blank, a peaceful place that was very quiet. The good thing about this moment of fantasy is that I had total control of everything that happened in this little world of mine, it all seemed very real to me. We were in the cafeteria having our lunch, the place was so crowded it looked like they were sharing free food in here, no one could maintain decorum anymore the students in my school didn't even know a word like civilisation existed, everybody crowded the poor woman who sold food in the cafeteria "madam abeg put 100 naira rice and 20 naira meat for nylon for me abeg." "See na me first come here ohh! Wetin dey worry this one sef" another one would say. "I go slap person for here oh! Who be this wey dey pour spit for inside food wey I wan chop". This daily rumble for mama put rice was almost the only entertainment I had during lunch. Only smart kids like me and folake didn't have to struggle for food like labourers, we had a simple plan which was very effective and helpful.- 5 minutes before the bell for lunch time was rung, I would give folake a sly sign of a wink, our minds would immediately cook up a lie like how casio scientific calculator would quickly process 2 + 2. After the lie had freed us from the claws of some boring teacher we would immediately run to cafeteria and quickly order our lunch, so that way we were always the first. Some minutes after the bell, the entrance of the cafeteria would be like the track of a cross country marathon race, people would cluster their selves like sardine and pass through one tiny door, I was taken aback one day when I saw 10 people pass the door at once, that event surely ought to enter the Guinness world book of record, I left my mouth open until folake had to literally shut it for me. Some rascals even resulted to taking advantage of the broken window to gain entrance. They flew in like professional armed robbers invading a bank for a raid. While I was engrossed in my food and the live cinematic comedy of people struggling for food a rather disturbing figure purposely stood in my line of vision trying to cause a break in transmission. surely my signal strength of 100% at that time would not be easy to disrupt. "Who is this person trying to disturb my movie na! Abeg leave my road joor" I said in a very low voice, tilting my head from right to left simultaneously trying to regain visual contact, my neck was becoming tired after a while of continuous movement. After noticing the adamant nature of this road block I decided to shift my attention to him. Tolu had been standing there all these while staring at me with his usual deadly frown featured by his clenched right fist which continuously punched his left palm as he drew closer to me.....uh-oh what have I done this time it was like he chased me from reality to my dream. I looked to the direction of folake but all I saw was her empty plate staring back at me, she flee for her life and didn't even forget her spoon. This was a fight to the finish, its now or never, I had to finally teach this old bully some lessons, I stood up and took the posture of an amateur boxer nervous about his first match of his carrier, I didn't know whether to throw my leg or my hand at him, he was so relaxed like he was totally sure he would kick my Bottom. I started throwing random punches and kicks as I drew closer to him. He effortlessly caught me by the throat used one hand to lift me and slammed me on the termite infested table which divided into two. I stood up and shook my head vigorously trying to regain consciousness as at now my adrenaline began to rise. Every body in the cafeteria stopped their numerous activities, there was dead silence and every body focused their eyes on us even the ever busy 'mama put' woman. I had graduated from watching live show to being live show. The beast used one leg to sweep me off my feet and pounced on me, I struggled to break loose but was denied by his weight. I scanned my audience to find a friend to cry to for help but my eyes caught jane instead, she stared at me with so much disappointment shaking her head negatively. That scenario spurred my rage and rose my adrenaline to 99.9%, I was like a helpless man transforming into a beastish incredible hulk. That is what a woman can do to you. I shook him off and sat on him, I cocked my arms like they were AK47 guns and started downloading punches into Tolu's facial memory card. I was ready to full the memory card with as much punches even if the space was 1 Terra byte. My network could be likened to that of 5.5G because the speed at which my hands delivered the punches were unbelievable. When I was done with him his face had added weight 2 times how it was before. I stood up from his body like a victorious gladiator in the arena of the gods. "David! David!! David!!!" My ever staunch audience began hailing me. This truly was a 'David defeating Goliath' kind of story except that I didn't have a catapult and stone and this was the 21st century. Jane did her sexy cat walk right up to me with a big grin. I held her tightly and kissed her passionately as she wrapped her arms around my neck, I took jane by the waist and forged out of the cafeteria, we had burst out in a church and it was our wedding day, standing at the altar I watched an unknown man lead jane down the aisle. After exchanging vows the priest said "you may kiss the bride". BUZZER- happiest moment of my life, I slowly raised the veil to uncover the beautiful face of my bride......."AAAAAAAhhhh!!!! Chineke ooohh!!!" I fell on the ground shouting and screaming for my life, if was folake's face on Jane's body that was under the veil. It wasn't only my fantasised self that was screaming for help. My physical body also suffered the effect of this trauma as I flew up from the bed as if I had a terrible nightmare. Folake's face on jane's bodyHow can that be??. I surveyed the room looking from the wall to the ceiling of the room tilting my head at various degrees wondering like the early men where I was, before I finished my survey I saw folake sitting on the bed I jumped from trying to calm me down "em..em David please lie down you need to rest" I noticed I was in the health centre, so that beat me faint. I looked in the direction of Jane's bed but she was gone, the middle of the bed was still pressed so I figured it couldn't be long that she left "don't tell me jane is gone" I rhetorically asked folake "David please forget that girl and rest before you faint again" folake said impatiently "when did she go?" "David please don't ask me" "just tell me joor" "ok ok. About 10 to 15 minutes ago" folake replied. I almost asked what she did when she woke up but I feared I might receive a hot slap as a response so I kept my cool and peeped at my rusted wrist watch..."Jeeeeeessssusss!!!! 4:16PM" it read - "how long was I out?" I asked not expecting an answer. My speed increased as I searched the whole room for my bag as if I was looking for a 12 billion naira diamond flinging away every suspicious blanket that might be hiding it. DANG...I finally found it under one of the beds. I hastily picked it up hanging it on only one of my shoulders, I barely bided folake goodbye as I dashed out of the health centre "mama go kill me today oohh!!" I murmured running my solo marathon. I defeated the few metres hindering my school from the one of my siblings- 'Gozie and adaobi' like a professional athlete. I was supposed to pick them up by 3:00PM, although am always late but this time I have gone way beyond my limit. "Chimmoo... Jane has finished me ooohh!!" I kept muttering to myself over and over again like a JSS1 student trying to learn his new school anthem. I finally finished my little marathon on getting to 'outstanding nursery and primary school' were my siblings attended , the place was empty and quiet like a graveyard I quickly ran to the playground which was our normal rendezvous point, I normally meet them everyday playing with their mates but it was empty. All that welcomed me were abandoned food flask's and torn notebooks lying lazily on the sharp sand that served as floor on the playing ground. My mind being the fastest part of my body figured they might be in their classrooms. I dashed to adaobi's class but the classroom and the playground suffered the same fate. Nothing daunted I forged ahead to gozie's class. "I trust aunty ijeoma she won't leave the school until every pupil is gone" I thought out loud. I was walking down the corridor when I heard voices laughing and murmuring it seemed to be coming from a few classes ahead. The voices refuelled my moving engine and I increased my pace to satisfy my anxiety. I peeped through the window of the class and saw adaobi and gozie playing 'tinko-tinko'. I scanned through the class and figured aunty ijeoma had snoozed off on the form teachers desk. "I knew she wouldn't fail me" I sneaked into the class like a crook placing my index finger across my lips trying to signal gozie and adaobi not to make any noise. I went round the class like a land surveyor picking their belongings which they carelessly displaced. That gave me a chance to get a clearer view on aunty ijeoma. She was a very beautiful woman and she looked cute in her sleep. I was distracted by her beauty that I mindlessly stopped what I went there for and stood still like the statue of liberty admiring fresh meat meant for mature men. I couldn't help but notice her weird sleeping position as a result of the uncomfortable chair that barely had foam that she sat on. She slept so indifferently like a lion who just ate a balanced diet. Her I.D card which was attached to a very long rope hung around her neck dangled to and fro at intervals due to her incessant adjustment to attain a comfortable sleeping position. I couldn't have a clear vision on the details of the I.D card so I stealthily moved forward to have a clearer view. "Miss ijeoma chukwunonso" it read.... "MISS?..MISS??" I said looking very surprised "how can a very beautiful and well endowed woman like this still be a 'miss'" I argued with my self, I peeped at her finger for confirmation but there was no ring, not even the one of engagement. She was so beautiful even in her passport that was supposed to be everyone's most ugly picture. I shrugged off the thought and resumed duty, I looked around the classroom from tables to chairs to lockers to shelves to the floor and noticed I had gathered all the belongings of my siblings, now time to escape. I gave gozie and adaobi their respective belongings held them by their arms and moved stealthily towards the door stopping at intervals when I heard the movement of aunty ijeoma. I couldn't afford to be seen by aunty ijeoma, if not I would be in for another one of her boring and endless advice talks. I began moving wih my siblings again when aunty ijeoma seemed to be relaxed...... "KPLAakArAAAArraaaH!!!" Adaobi dropped her aluminium food flask. The noise was so loud and sonorous that it would wake even a dead dog. "Hey...hey" aunty ijeoma shouted. I bent down to quickly pick the flask pretending I didn't hear. "Oh shiiit, I don enter wahala today" I said to my self. Adaobi always got me into trouble even unintentionally, this time I wasn't sure which one it was , but I knew I was really in for it........... TO BE CONTINUED.........