DIARY OF DAVID (EPISODE SEVEN)

I decided to give up and face Mr Nnamdi ready to receive my share of his slap when Richard suddenly cuts in "sir David gave me his note yesterday, I had to complete mine" Richard stretched a note I honestly have never seen in my life towards Mr Nnamdi "so how come he didn't remember he gave you Mr Nnamdi asked with a sceptical look "he obviously has forgotten" Richard said giving Mr Nnamdi a weak smile. I was speechless and stared at the nollywood scene before me. "Hmmm........ Hmmm....... Hmmm" Mr Nnamdi moaned and nodded with satisfaction as he marked the note "that's a good one David. Keep it up" Mr Nnamdi said and flung the note on my desk. I stared at Richard with my mouth wide open even a blind man could see I was dumbfounded. I sat down slowly without taking my gaze off Richard "what just happened?" I asked with a stunned look "I just saved your Bottom" Richard said "now can I get my book back?" He added "thanks men" I said with a big grin. I returned his note and we burst into uniform laughter celebrating our victory over Mr Nnamdi. After school hours. I increased my pace to catch up with Folake who was walking faster than usual. "Ah Folake kilode na? Why are you so much in a hurry" Folake gave me the 'talk to the hands' sign facing me with her palms. I understood why she was angry "hey Folake I hope you are not still angry about what happened back in the class, you know it wasn't my fault. I sincerely wanted to be with you and you know it" I tried to plead with folake but she seemed to be paying a deaf ear "why don't you tell that to your girlfriend" she turned to me and angrily said. She hissed and walked even faster away from me and I had to let her go. I partially liked the spec of jealousy Folake showed concerning me. It made me feel I was important but I knew what jealousy made people do so I had to keep this one under check so it wouldn't get out of hand. I joyfully walked home that day humming and singing songs of victory and good life. At intervals I stopped walking to demonstrate one or two latest dancing skills I recently saw on TV. It was the perfect frame of mind I needed to be in for one of my numerous long weekends. The next day which was a Saturday I woke up very early and did all the chores in the house including the unnecessary ones like cleaning under the TV set. I was simply overjoyed, everyone was perplexed at my sudden change in mood. BANG! BANG!! BANG!!!. I sprang up from my thick mouka foam with utmost disgust at the disrespective bang on my door "come who is that person that wants to break my door na?" I yelled at the unanimous creature on the other side of the door. "Brother person dey find you o" adaobi said with her usual tiny voice "the person nor get name abi you dey mad ni?" I cut in trying to sit upright. Adaobi thought for a while and finally responded "em .....em she say her name na Janet". "What? Jane is here?" I said and sprang to my feet. For a while turned my head simultaneously around the room looking for nothing in particular. "Okay just tell her to wait in the sitting room" I finally broke into words. My multi-task brain for the first time was buffering, what most Nigerians would call 'GO SLOW' of thoughts. "Bathroom......yes bathroom" I finally decided. I picked up my towel and unbuttoned my trouser quickly, using my legs to match the trouser continuously till it finally came off. I rushed into the bathroom and took a very swift bath. Jumped out and wore my whitest shirt with my new knickers I bought for Richards birthday party. I got to the sitting room and saw Jane sitting on my favourite sofa. I took a breathless second to admire God's best creation. She wore a 9-inch luis vuiton designer heel which was in uniform with her hand bag and a tiny piece of cloth she used to beautify her Peruvian hair. She had a gold necklace with a pendant in the shape of 'J' which obviously stood for Jane, her skin was so radiant and smooth that I couldn't help but sigh in admiration. "Hello David" she said with her beautiful smile which made her white teeth conspicuous. I couldn't reply as I was lost in lust. I maintained my gaze on her not uttering a word. "What? Don't I look good enough?. Why that stare" she added. "No no you look dazzling, too dazzling" I said. "Wow.... Thanks" she said while adjusting uneasily. "Come on" she said as she tapped the little space on the sofa beside her "come and sit" I moved and sat looking very shy "why are you here?" I asked with a stern look. "For the biology project of cause. What else do you have in mind? Or except you are thinking what am thinking." She drew closer to me biting her lower lip and staring deep into my eyes. I leaned towards her and I could feel her breath, my eyes slowly went dim as we drew to each other and the distance between us shortened. SNAP SNAP SNAP........ An old fist snapped its fingers in my face which bolted me back to reality. I startled with shock on the ramshackle plastic chair on which I sat. It was one of my numerous pointless fantasies again. I held my eyes tightly and recovered I was still in my happy weekend. I looked around me and noticed everyone was on their feet with a hymn book in hand. "Young man what are thinking of? You shouldn't be day dreaming in church" said the man who snapped his fingers in my face. "Come on time to take the hymn" he added. I stared up at the old looking man with so much scorn who had no idea of what he just interrupted. I slowly rose to my feet and gave him a weak smile. After church service I slowly walked out of the gigantic hall with my heads downs, counting my thoughts one at a time, funny how things can seem to be going perfectly not knowing you are just a snap from the direct opposite. I got to the road side and boarded a bus, I sat beside a couple who obviously weren't coming from church, they held each other tightly and touched each other mannerlessly, doing stuff that was meant for the private. I glanced at them once in a while so I could keep track of their level of coitus. Some people murmured at the shameless act the couple depicted but it seemed they couldn't careless. We got to my bus stop and I happily hopped down from the bus. Richards house was just a stones throw from mine. I wasn't in the mood to go home because Sundays was the only day I had to visit my friends. I stood at the junction ruminating on the decision to make "if I reach house now, na work dem go use baptise me today" I thought aloud. Without further gnashing of teeth I computed a lie to save my soul and headed for Richards house. The inviting smell of Mrs akindele's jollof rice was the first to welcome me. I sniffed it in with so much appreciation and nodded my head in accordance. 'RING RING' I buzzed the door bell. "Am coming" a female voice yelled in distance. The door flung open and it was damilola that opened it. Richards twin sister. She obviously was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, she possessed deep brown eyes and she beautified it with artificial eye lashes, her dimples went along with her wide smile that could light up your dampened day. She wore a short spaghetti top which exposed majority of her cleavage and her stomach along with a blue Jean bumshot, her light smooth skin and her 'Kim kardashian' backside did not make things any easier as it only took strong men to pass her without turning back. "Hey David what a surprise" she said welcoming me with a bright smile "come in" she added. Is Richard home?" I asked. "Yes he just got back from church, he is in his room". "Ok thanks" I knew my way around the house and needed no orientation. I dashed upstairs to Richards room and knocked on the door with a specific rhythm "its open" Richard yelled. I entered the room and saw him engrossed in his new game console his uncle recently sent from abroad. The room had taken a new turn as I noticed he had upgraded it with more fancy gadget and changed the position of some furniture. "Guy how far" I greeted still staring at various objects. Richard barely tilted his head as the game obviously had all his attention. "Ah David what's up" he mindlessly said. I drew closer to him to have a clearer view of his activity "wow is this the almighty play station 4?" I asked with my eyes bulging out "yes man. The latest in town" Richard said with pride written all over his face. I squated and took a careful look at it. I was amazed at such dexterity the white men possessed to be able to put something like this together. Some minutes later I was the one in charge of the console and Richard took heed in his phone as he laid on the bed. "Hmmm David you be bad guy o". Richard said without taking his eyes off his mobile phone. "Yes I know men. I can beat anybody at this game" I hastily replied still soaked in my video game. "No not the video game. Am referring to Jane, I saw you guys on Friday" Richard said. I paused my video game and turned back to have a glimpse of his face "what do you mean?" I asked with a puzzled look "well its just that..............". Before Richard could finish his statement Damilola barged into the room "guys lunch is served "she said without caring if she interrupted anything. "Finally. Thank God, am starving" Richard said and dashed out of the room. The tantalising smell of good food that has been blowing 'shakara' in my nose for the past few minutes was finally served. Without thinking further I dashed out of the room and threaded Richards path............... TO BE CONTINUED.....

Diary of David (EPISODE SIX)

All the classes that day went on as usual but no thirty minutes got past me without turning back to get a glimpse at Jane's face. My mind kept on wondering what she was up to, maybe this was even worse than my nightmare. "Okay David you will talk to her during lunch. Unfailing" I said to myself trying to bestow confidence. My lips moved constantly trying to create my speech. I was ready to forfeit food that day, lunch time came and I put my head to desk to round up my rehearsal, suddenly a feminine figure sat beside me and laid her hands on my shoulder. "Folake you can have lunch without me today I don't think am hungry" I said trying to continue my speech. I didn't get any response so I repeated myself but this creature was dogged. I decided to raise my head and myself more lucid when I realised it was Jane all this while, my facial expression could show I was very confused and didn't know words to express myself"Jane........Jane......look am very sorry and I know you must be very angry with me. I never meant for all these to happen it was an accident and I wish I cou........" "Shuuuuush!!" She cut in abruptly "it doesn't matter anymore, I know it was an accident and I forgive you" she added with a weak smile on the edge of her mouth "but.......but......I.......its.......please" I tried to explain but the words got stuck in my throat "hey I said its okay. I understand" she said. I stared into her deep brown eyes with so much affection and my heart melted. I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and she laid her head on mine. Some naughty passers-by thumbed up to me and raised their eyebrows. Although I wasn't totally sure I was safe because this was too good to be true. But for now I just had to play along. "So tell me, why did you pick me for the project out of all the guys in this class" I questioned. Jane chuckled and said "oh David. Some things are better left unsaid" I moved uneasily on my seat at her response "don't bother your little head,with time you'll know" she added "okay fine but you know what you did to folake. You were very much aware that she was going to pick me but you interrupted and quickly picked me" I said "oh so you would have preferred her to me eh?" Jane frowned at me. "No no that's not what I'm trying to say but folake is my friend and I think what you did to her just isn't fair" I said trying to defend myself using my facial expression and my arms to demonstrate my words "hey spare me that crap okay? Why do you make me look like the bad guy here, do you think you are some sought of prize that everybody should fight over. You are supposed to be thanking me because I did you a favour" Jane said and sighed out a very long and irritating hiss. "Look am sorry I didn't mean it that way" "sorry for yourself. Leave me joor" she flung my arms from her shoulders, sprang up from the seat and marched away. I used my palms to wipe my face and took in a very deep breath "well it could have been worse" I thought to myself. My heart was full with mixed feelings, I couldn't decide whether to be happy that we were now friends or be sad she just walked out on me. As long as my present situation didn't involve me getting my ears loaded with slaps I was fine with it. The bell that ended the lunchtime finally arrived and everyone flooded into the classroom. Some licking their hands and their mouths and some others rubbing their pot bellies and exclaiming at the luscious taste of 'mama put', the nice aroma of fish stew that accompanied them into the class found its way into my nostril and activated the worms in my stomach to start a riot. I sniffed in the nice aroma and nodded in satisfaction. Mr Nnamdi walked briskly into the class and dropped his notes on the teachers desk. "Good afternoon class" Mr Nnamdi greeted "hmmm good afternoon sir" the class murmured indistinctly. The sonorous sound of people chewing stubborn meat and finger licking still echoed around the class. Mr Nnamdi placed his right hand on his waist and leaned on the table with the aid of his left he watched the moving mouths with disgust and you could spot his anger a mile away. "I hope you all did my assignment because today is the last day of grace, and don't give me the excuse that you left your note at home or else you will go and kneel in the sun" he yelled with obvious anger in his tone. "Thank God I did mine" I thought aloud. I zipped my bag open and buried my head searching for my note. I had glanced through all the notes but didn't find it, I started over again and was more meticulous this time but to no avail "I know I did this assignment, am very sure" I kept muttering to myself. I had become more disorganised when my forth trial seemed abortive. I poured all the contents of my bag on the desk and some sliding down to the floor, I ransacked each note one after the other. But the particular one seemed to have disappeared. I interlocked my fingers and placed my hands on my head looking round the whole class like I would miraculously see it flying around 'GBAMM' "now I remember it was the unfortunate note I flung to the floor hen power supply was interrupted" big trouble for me today. I swiftly amalgamated my spilled contents and shoved them back into my bag. Someone tapped me from behind on the shoulders impatiently "yeeesss.....what is it?" I said with a frown "bros how far....wetin sup" I turned back to spot who the whisper came from, it was Richard, one of the smartest students in my class "guy I forget my note for house" I whispered in return. Richard whistled loudly and said "hmmm that's a big one oh, yawa don gas for your head be that. See what the guy is doing to people who are found wanting" we turned our gaze to Mr Nnamdi and watched how he dealt with an ill-fated victim. "Erm....em am sorry sir, my dog tore my note at home" the prey tried to explain 'PWAAH-PWAAH-PWAAH' three hot outstanding slaps in a row landed on the back of his neck "you are a big FOOL" Mr Nnamdi yelled with his eyes bulging out "now get out of my class and go kneel in the sun" he added. The student staggered out with heavy eyes full of tears. I returned my attention back to Richard "dude please do something I can't be disgraced like that" I pleaded "ah ah why do you come to me, abi did I send you to leave your note at home?" Richard scornfully said. Ripples of sweat began to form in odd places and I instantly developed goose bums. I began to shake physically and I couldn't focus to plot a plan. Mr Nnamdi drew closer and aggravated the weight of the slap at each passing victim. I wondered from left to right to sought for a fellow prey in my shoes but there was non to be found, everybody was busy writing something while others employed the 'copy and paste' policy. Mr Nnamdi was just a row away from me and I couldn't think of a better plan. Immediately I sprang up from my seat and walked swiftly towards the door "hey you stop there? Where do you think you are going" Mr Nnamdi asked in a harsh tone. I slowly whirled back itching behind my head where no itching occurred vigorously "Erm.... Erm sir I want to use the toilet I'll be back in a minute "I said with a timid voice "what? Are you mad? Get back here my friend!!! Silly boy" I fearfully walked back to my seat counting my steps one at a time. I reached for my bag and zipped it open. I buried my head in my bag again and wished for a miracle. After a while Mr Nnamdi began tapping his feet on the ground and I could sense that my delay to present my note was getting his knickers in a twist....... TO BE CONTINUED.........